This was not an enjoyable book. I could tell almost immediately that it was self-published, since I doubt a publisher would have read more than the first page before discarding it or insisting on some heavy edits.
When I read a book that I’m going to review I keep a pad and pen handy to write down notes, twenty pages into the book I already had an entire A4 sheet of short hand notes; all negative.
When I read the blurb I was extremely excited, as it sounded so good, however by the first page I could tell it was going to be painful to endure. The authors writing style was poor and I don’t think any editing was done at all, which became more obvious when part way through the book Gabriel Eagle Claw’s name changed to Gabriel Eagle Talon before eventually reverting back to the original Eagle Claw.
Abraham has chosen to write this novel with a very formal almost old English tone, which was extremely tiresome almost immediately. Add to that the fact that this style was inconsistent with lines such as “Eden took out the first slaver” when stating that she killed a slaver. And this line when Eden states; “I need not heed your will then.” Which is directly followed by Gabriel’s response “Want to bet?”
Add to that the fact that there was no sentence variation, all were quite long and superfluous. There was also far to much banter between characters, so much so that they ended up talking in circles quite often, and a conversation that could have occurred and ended within a page or two went on for five and also had the characters stating the obvious every time you turned around. This led me to the belief that Abraham is trying to tell the reader (more like hammer home) what is occurring and not letting them come to the conclusion themselves. It was almost as if Abraham doesn’t know that readers do have a brain and are smart enough to know what's going on without everything being stated.
While I’m on the telling not showing point, there was little to no description of body language, and when it was present it was always followed by telling us what the character was feeling instead of allowing us to come to the conclusion ourselves. Abraham also had the habit of using clichés.
One line that amused me (made me want to bash my head against a wall) was; “You will not run from me against my orders” because you’re totally going to give permission for someone to run from you. And I can only guess that this line was written they way it was to tell (again not show) the readers about Gabriel’s personality, which leads me to my next point; Character development.
Abraham left no time for her characters to develop or even to let the readers discover their personalities- again choosing to tell the reader by using hyperbole and exaggeration. What was even worse than having someone personality shoved down my throat was the fact that the characters were not how they were described. For instance; Gabriel is supposed to be a ‘hard ass’ General who wants nothing but order, yet rarely shows any leadership qualities, is constantly taking crap from his nephew (which it’s made out to be at the beginning of the book that the pair don’t know each other very well) and Eden is described as being strong willed fighter who needs her freedom… let me repeat that for you (since Abraham chose to repeat it constantly throughout the novel).
Eden is a strong willed fighter who needs her freedom. Yet she seemed more like a spoiled brat and was- I thought- shown to be the cliché air headed female, capable of escaping Gabriel two or three times yet gets herself captured every time.
The characters were all weak one-dimensional, which was most likely due to the fact that Abraham seemed to only emphasis a single or a small few aspects/ personality traits.
And don’t even get time started on the number of times Eden was complemented on her abilities ‘for a female’, or that ‘Elven Maidens’ were meant to be passive and calm. Which, with the repetitive and irritating Exposition in Dialogue (Def; To use dialogue to provide information for your reader) gave Eden a ‘marry Sue’ complex (she is the most beautiful - although it seemed every female character was described that way – the only female elf who didn’t fit the mould of an ‘Elven Maid’)
There were also the inaccuracies that went unexplained;
Such as the time the rest of the group were meant to catch up in an hour, yet suddenly it’s two days later and they’re only just arriving.
The Unnecessary drama such as Eden’s pregnancy (which she wasn’t pregnant, her sister just assumed she was because she was a healer and had ‘never been wrong yet’ and Eden was tired and grouchy and because she’d been using her magic a lot. Yet the sister told Gabriel before even telling Eden or actually examining Eden)
The unexplained and irrational rollercoaster of characters emotions.
The unnecessary and irrelevant plot lines. Deus ex Machins (simplistic external solutions) such as the aphrodisiac spell and the fact that pretty much everyone had some special ability or was the best of the best or could see the future.
Also the obvious lack of editing;
The missing speech marks, the random misplaced speech marks, missing punctuation and a lack or commas.
The complete lack of foreshadowing through the entire novel that made it impossible to keep up, as things just randomly happened- like the appearance of Eden’s twin sister who no one not even the mother knew about.
The poorly timed switches in point of view between Gabriel, Eden and any other character.
Inaccuracies in plot.
Little to no imagery or body language.
Incorrect Syntax, as well as using words in the wrong context.
Over use of stereotypes and clichés, and repetition.
This entire novel had the feel of a town crier stomping through the streets boasting about and inflating the egos of those who followed behind. It was painful to read, mind numbingly boring and at some points I swear I could feel my brain cells dying. Self Publishing (S.P) has many pros and there are many fantastic pieces of work produced through S.P but this is definitely not one of those examples.
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